Eating Grass

Text message from Junley Lazaga, Ilokano poet from Tagudin, Ilocos Sur and instructor at UP Baguio:

Pasyente: Doc, ipaikkatko man ti bagis ko ta pasukatak iti bagis ti kalding.

[Patient: Doctor, I'd like to have my intestines replaced with a goat's.]

Doc:Apay ngay?

[Why?]

Pasyente: Nangina ngamin ti bagas, manganak laengen iti ruot…

[Rice has become unaffordable, so I'll just have to eat grass...]

***

Those with eye problems should eat grass, once suggested DILG-Kalinga Asst. Provincial Director (APD) Julio Barcellano to some LGOO trainees (44th Batch) of DILG-CAR. “Apay ngay?” we asked. “Apay, addan aya nakitayo nga nakaantiokos a nuang?” he replied. [Why, have you ever seen a bespectacled carabao?"]

***

Here’s my response to Junley who I know will forgive me for this sorry attempt at Iluko poetry:

Ay, tiempon iti panagkirang,

Magitaraanen ti bakrang.

Tay bagas a ginatang,

Di pay maramananen ni tiyan.

“Mangantan iti ruot,” kinuna

Ni mannaniw a Lazaga.

“Mangparutak ngarud,” kunak koma,

“Ta isu’t pangmal’manta.”

Ngem unay ket nga saemnan,

Dagiti ruot iti arubayan

Uray pay iti kataltalonan

Inaraben tay kuttong a nuang.