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Archive for the ‘Text’ Category

Changing Light Bulbs the Christian Way

Posted in HA-HA, RELIGION: My Commentaries, Text on August 13, 2008 | No Comments »

From my inbox:
“CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY”
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic : Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians : None - Lights will go on and off [...]

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On Diet?

Posted in HA-HA, TRIVIA/STATS, Text on August 12, 2008 | Comments Off

Another intriguing stuff in my mail. What say you health buffs and med people?
***
A DOCTOR’S ADVICE ABOUT DIETING
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your [...]

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Business Signs/Names/Ads - Pinoy Style

Posted in ESL, HA-HA, Philippine English, Text on July 17, 2008 | 2 Comments »

This forwarded email made my day. I added some notes for our non-Filipino readers. Corrections are welcome…
***
Filipinos are funny and creative when it comes to business signs and posters. Here are some examples:
* A parlor in San Juan is named ‘Cut & Face‘
* A wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: ‘ Starduck [...]

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“A Bargain”

Posted in CHINA, HA-HA, Text on June 23, 2008 | No Comments »

Two men planned to distil wine together. One of them said, ‘You provide the rice and I’ll supply the water.’ The other man said, ‘If all the rice comes from me, how should we divide the distilled wine?’ The first man: ‘There will definitely be no cheating. When the wine is ready I only [...]

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Eating Grass

Posted in Government/Race/Family, HA-HA, SOCIO-POLITICAL ISSUES, Text on June 8, 2008 | 2 Comments »

Text message from Junley Lazaga, Ilokano poet from Tagudin, Ilocos Sur and instructor at UP Baguio:
Pasyente: Doc, ipaikkatko man ti bagis ko ta pasukatak iti bagis ti kalding.
[Patient: Doctor, I'd like to have my intestines replaced with a goat's.]
Doc:Apay ngay?
[Why?]
Pasyente: Nangina ngamin ti bagas, manganak laengen iti ruot…
[Rice has become unaffordable, so I'll just have [...]

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Hillary’s “Forgiveness Chart”

Posted in HA-HA, Text on April 7, 2008 | No Comments »

Got this one from Bob Dole’s book of humor:

At a National Prayer Luncheon, Hillary Clinton once said, “In the Bible it says they asked Jesus how many times you should forgive, and he said seventy times seven. Well, I want you all to know that I’m keeping a chart.”

- Source: Bob Dole, Great Political Wit: [...]

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“Disorder in the Court”

Posted in HA-HA, Text on March 31, 2008 | No Comments »

I got this in my mail some time last year and would have totally forgotten all about it had not insan Rae Ann Banggawan forwarded it to my gmail account just a few hours ago. For those who haven’t read this yet, enjoy. For those who already have, well just fake the merriment by [...]

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a winebibber’s prayer

Posted in HA-HA, Text on March 11, 2008 | No Comments »

Printed on a shirt displayed at Highland Souvenir (SM Baguio):
“Dalangin ko kay San Miguel
na isakay ako sa Red Horse
patungo sa White Castle
doon sa Barcelona
para makilala ang Generoso
at mabait na Emperador
na Alfonso
at manood ng mga Matador
habang umiinom ng Fundador.
HIK!”

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